Guilty of this

The series at church they did this month has been the most meaningful of any sermons they've done. They called it "The gods at war" referring to idolatry and the things of this world we worship and have turned into gods in our lives. They talked about money, pleasure and love. This was the most profound and meaningful series. It made every single person in the sanctuary stop and think of the things in their lives that have become more important than their relationship with God. I didn't have to think too hard about the most important thing in my life: my desire for a child and to be a mother. I had even written, I think in my featured couple profile, that the thing I wanted more than anything in this world was to be a mother. I had it plainly in writing. It never occurred to me that I was placing wanting a child above my relationship/love of my Lord. Another point in the sermon was that God does one of two things when we place something or someone above him. We will either encounter His active wrath or passive wrath. Passive wrath is when God removes His blessings from that part of our lives and well, active wrath is self explanatory. Is that what I'm experiencing, a passive wrath of God? Has my desire for a child, the want to be a mother become so important in my life that God has removed His blessing so I can refocus on Him and then He will bless us with a child? Of course I can't answer that, but it makes sense. As a Christian, I have given my life to Christ and He is my reason for everything. But as a Christian, when we get lost on our walk, and find other things sitting on the thrown of our hearts instead of our Lord, we will see His wrath. I pray that this is not why we are not pregnant. I pray this is our cycle, but most importantly, I pray that I will continue to strengthen my relationship and nothing will be more important to me than Him!



Over the weekend, we had some friends Jeff and Megan over and their little baby Peyton. She is a doll. Two things happened during our get together that stuck with me. They got pregnant on their 10th cycle. Megan was telling me about one of her friends that got pregnant their very first month. She then said something that made me think. She said that even though she knows how much her friend will love and appreciate their baby, but not as much as someone that has been trying and unsuccessful for months. It made sense b/c I know how much I will love and cherish our little one b/c we've been waiting for so long. On the other hand, just b/c we've been waiting longer than someone else, does that mean we'll appreciate our baby more? I don't know.
The other instance was something Jeff said. I don't remember how we got on the subject but he told me that in 7 days, we'd find out we are pregnant. This was on Friday night which would make next Friday 7 days, the day I plan on testing. Of course he had no idea about my cycle or that we'd be testing, which made it crazier to me. Someone at work told me I was going to get pregnant and Jeff told me we're going to find out we're pregnant. I don't want to read too much into it, but come on. How ironic is that? One thought is that God is telling me to relax b/c He is blessing us with a child. Another thought is that I'm entirely too gullible. Either way, I hope they're right!