Mixed Emotions

I've had mixed emotions today. Emotion 1: Happy. It was my last day at a job I've truly hated for at least a year now. I absolutely love my coworkers and think that was the main reason I didn't want to leave. However, the anxiety I experienced by working there became too much and I just couldn't stay there anymore. Today was wonderful. I didn't do a whole lot of work and was so excited knowing that when I walked out of there today, I wouldn't have to go back. Such joy. I promise you, I'm not overexaggerating. The funny thing is, by the end of the day, I had lost my voice so it was hard to say my goodbyes. Guess that was due to the sinus drainage I'm having. I told one friend, the place had my sanity, might as well take my voice on my last day too.

Emotion 2: Sadness. I started today. Guess that means we really are starting cycle 7. I knew it was coming b/c my temps had dropped, but once it arrived, I just felt so sad. I just never would've thought it would take this long. I suppose I need to look at the positive, now we can get started on the next cycle.

Last night I felt like such a bad person. We went out to eat for Griff's bday (BIL) and it seemed like almost every pregnant lady in KY was following me. I know that's ridiculous of course, but when you want something with all of your heart, you see it everywhere. I was feeling depressed about it and said something to J, he didn't take it well. I can't remember exactly what I said, something alone the lines like "Why do I keep seeing all of these pregnant women every where I go? It's making me mad". (maybe mad was the wrong word to use, but it was used nonetheless) He told me I was being mean. I wasn't trying to be mean, just express that I was hurting and it came out wrong to him. I didn't try to explain myself to him b/c we were with his family, but I felt worse after that. I cried a little bit when we got home, but luckily he was busy and didn't notice. I know I'm very blessed and try not to dwell on things, but the past couple of days have been emotional.