Is AF coming??

When J & I started TTC, we had no idea the journey ahead of us. I guess I was naive to think we wouldn't have any trouble, that it would just happen right away. I've talked to a few of my friends and family that are about my age to see how long it took them. I was shocked. 3 cycles was the longest of those I asked. Are you kidding me? It's no wonder I'm surprised we're finishing out cycle 6 and still no BFP. At the end of each cycle, I feel differently. Sometimes I'm more disappointed than others, but now I'm finding myself just frustrated. It shouldn't have to be this hard. I do my very best to refrain from thinking "it's not fair". I realize life isn't fair, but it just seems that for people who want a baby, to be parents, so badly (and i'm not just talking about J & I) it shouldn't be so difficult. I know it's all in God's time, His will, and that's so hard to understand sometimes. I just pray for comfort, understanding, and of course, the positive test.

Now, I'm 13 dpo, had a negative test yesterday and I'm torn. I want to start to get this next cycle going, but seeing "Cycle 7" just freaks me out a bit. My temp is way down today and I'm not going to be hopeful and think it's just b/c I had a fever yesterday and now I'm on antibiotics. I know it's b/c AF is coming. J is disappointed, I can see it in his face even though he won't say it. He thinks he has to be strong to make it easier on me. I know it breaks his heart a little every month when I tell him it hasn't happened. It feels like one big roller coaster ride. The ups and downs of being hopeful and then realizing it didn't happen. Now we continue our waiting game.